Rule #32

Stop randomly sending pictures of your penis to our cellphones. We'll just end up showing all of our friends and having a laugh - then name it something like, "SuperTeeters" or "Mr. Itsybitsiwitz"...which will undoubtedly turn into a frequently used inside joke for the next several months. Besides, I'd rather not be schlong-shocked when standing in line at Trader Joes.

Rule #31

US currency is available in the form of twenty dollar bills. In spite of the fact that your "fat stack of cash" is an inch thick doesn't negate the dim reality that it's actually forty five singles.

Rule #30

Have some f*cking integrity. What ever happened to a man being as good as his word? Spineless, shady assholes bring douchebag status to a whole new low. Grow a set and stop being such a coward.

Rule #29

Don't ever use the words cohesive, synergy or bandwidth unless you're kissing ass at a pretentious, circle-jerk board meeting. And you're not "providing color" on something unless your tie-dying a shirt. You say 'innovation', I say, 'STFU'.

Rule #28

Don't ever end a relationship by inexplicably cutting off all communication. This will immediately move you into irrevocable Ninja-Douchebag status. Unless you lack balls and integrity, a five minute conversation will save you from this indefensible violation.

Rule #27

Fold your collar down. No. Really…fold it down. We mean it.

Rule #26

Ribbed tank tops aka "wife beaters" are meant to be worn under clothing. If you insist on looking like you walked off the set of 'American Me', do so in the privacy of your own home. I don’t want to see your man-nipples through your shirt.

Rule #25

When describing how a woman looks, do not use the words smokin' or bangin'. While you're at it, quit using the phrases "you so fine", hatorade, crackalackin' or "hella sick". How's this...Google the word "articulate". And no, its not in the Urban Dictionary.

Rule #24

Men don't wear capris. If the hemline of your pants are short enough for me to see your socks, then you need one of the following: legwarmers, shorter legs, or pants with length proportionate to your inseam. I recommend the latter.

Rule #23

Just dump her already. We get it - you're miserable, misunderstood, it's complicated. Only lying, dirty douchebags cheat on their girl instead of sacking up and doing the right thing. Pretty basic concept: Keep yo' dick in yo' pants if you've promised it to one chick. If not then be a manwhore, do the rest of us a favor and wear a condom.