Rule #32

Stop randomly sending pictures of your penis to our cellphones. We'll just end up showing all of our friends and having a laugh - then name it something like, "SuperTeeters" or "Mr. Itsybitsiwitz"...which will undoubtedly turn into a frequently used inside joke for the next several months. Besides, I'd rather not be schlong-shocked when standing in line at Trader Joes.

Rule #31

US currency is available in the form of twenty dollar bills. In spite of the fact that your "fat stack of cash" is an inch thick doesn't negate the dim reality that it's actually forty five singles.

Rule #30

Have some f*cking integrity. What ever happened to a man being as good as his word? Spineless, shady assholes bring douchebag status to a whole new low. Grow a set and stop being such a coward.

Rule #29

Don't ever use the words cohesive, synergy or bandwidth unless you're kissing ass at a pretentious, circle-jerk board meeting. And you're not "providing color" on something unless your tie-dying a shirt. You say 'innovation', I say, 'STFU'.

Rule #28

Don't ever end a relationship by inexplicably cutting off all communication. This will immediately move you into irrevocable Ninja-Douchebag status. Unless you lack balls and integrity, a five minute conversation will save you from this indefensible violation.

Rule #27

Fold your collar down. No. Really…fold it down. We mean it.

Rule #26

Ribbed tank tops aka "wife beaters" are meant to be worn under clothing. If you insist on looking like you walked off the set of 'American Me', do so in the privacy of your own home. I don’t want to see your man-nipples through your shirt.

Rule #25

When describing how a woman looks, do not use the words smokin' or bangin'. While you're at it, quit using the phrases "you so fine", hatorade, crackalackin' or "hella sick". How's this...Google the word "articulate". And no, its not in the Urban Dictionary.

Rule #24

Men don't wear capris. If the hemline of your pants are short enough for me to see your socks, then you need one of the following: legwarmers, shorter legs, or pants with length proportionate to your inseam. I recommend the latter.

Rule #23

Just dump her already. We get it - you're miserable, misunderstood, it's complicated. Only lying, dirty douchebags cheat on their girl instead of sacking up and doing the right thing. Pretty basic concept: Keep yo' dick in yo' pants if you've promised it to one chick. If not then be a manwhore, do the rest of us a favor and wear a condom.

Rule #22

Just because you happen to piss standing up, doesn’t mean you are excluded from the general practice and common decency of WASHING YOUR EFFING HANDS. If you are in-and-out of the mens room inside 30 seconds, we notice. And without a doubt, you are a nasty douchebag. In addition, the word "wash" implies there is "soap" present.

Rule #21

The word "dude" does not belong at the beginning of every semi-important or significant statement you make. Unless you are asking where you car is, do not start a sentence with, "Duuude"...douchebag.

Rule #20

Porn is not an appropriate selection for a dinner and a movie date. Period.

Rule #19

Bed linens neither change, nor wash themselves. Don't be disgusting.

Don't let your chick turn you into you a douchebag.

Exhibit A: Castration by License Plate Frame
"LOGAN'S DADDY, JENN'S HUBBY"...poor bastard.

Rule #18

Half of your disposable income should not be going towards a car payment.

Rule #17

Stella Artois is the Keystone of Belgium. You neither look awesome, nor more distinguished because you're drinking crappy beer in a cool glass.

Rule #16

Text messaging is not an appropriate form of adult communication. Quit being a passive f*cktard and place an actual phone call. It's called a voice, and its meant for more than belching the alphabet. Stop it.

Instructions: Removing Stickers from Baseball Hats

Rule #15

Your rims should not be worth more than your vehicle. Hubcaps should not be spinning on an 1987 Chevy Nova. That being said, spinning hubcaps always look douchey, no matter what the make of the car.